I sometimes wonder about parents. About the things they tell their kids and why. I’m not talking about stuff like “brush your teeth” or “be home before the streetlights come on” or any of that normal parenting, You’re the kid; I’m the Dad kinda stuff.

I’m talking about the sayings, what some people call true-isms. Or wise old sayings.

For example: One time my mother walked into my room and told me it looked like a dog’s breakfast. We didn’t have a dog at the time, so I couldn’t ask. But I did try and look at it from a dog’s point of view. If I were Fido, what exactly about my unmade bed and clothes-strewn floor would make me think, “Hmmmm. Breakfast.”

It was the day I started wondering if my parents told me stuff just to see what I’d do with it. Kinda like my friend, Jonny C., who once told me he wanted to home-school his first-born from age 1 to 6, teach the kid the wrong words for everything, and then turn him loose on the first day of first grade.

He’s divorced now, and I’m pretty sure she got the kids.

And in addition to wondering whether my loving mother was playing me for a fool, I started to think about other sayings that made no sense to me.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” How could they know the going got tough if they weren’t already going? And if they were already going, why even bring it up? It’s like saying, “On my way to school, I went to school.” Who does that?

Drunks and crazy people, that’s who.

Here’s another one: “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” First of all, no they don’t. If I change my shirt, I’m not still wearing the shirt I just took off. I’m wearing a different shirt. I know ’cause the other one had a stain. Look in the hamper if you don’t believe me.

Geez!

“It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Again, NO! It’s darkest in the middle of the night. Right before dawn, it’s almost as light as dawn. Honestly, it’s the shirt thing all over again.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” No, no, no. And if you don’t believe me, try this. Take a Dramamine, then rub poison ivy all over yourself. Now tell me: Did warding off seasickness keep you from scratching?

Wise old sayings, my aunt Fanny.

“If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, they were never yours to begin with.” Just one question: What if they get lost? Do dating sights test for sense of direction?

That’s two questions. Sorry. But a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. But how much is it worth to find someone who cares how many birds you have and where you keep them? Who puts a price on hand-held vs. nesting birds?

Seriously? Wise old sayings? My mom was definitely pulling some crap.

I should just stop before I hurt myself. This really turned out to be a dog’s breakfast of a blog.

I’m gonna tell that to my muse. See what she does.